Emotional disturbance

One moment I am anxious and the next I am hyperactive and full of energy and know no fear.

I'm noticing this a lot at the moment, especially during my final exams. In the morning before the exams I'm nervous, I feel sick, I'm very scared and I'm just mentally very unwell.

As soon as I've finished the test for the day, I feel almost too good mentally. I get loud, hyperactive, I dare to do anything. I feel like I own the world.

I find these two extreme sides of me quite disturbing. It's as if the anxiety is eating me up and when my body realizes that the situation isn't so bad after all, I turn into a little hyperactive boy.

I wish I could handle stressful situations better. New places and new people scare me. I don't know what to expect.

I'll be coming off my medication soon, by the way. My psychotherapist said I can stop taking them after the final exams.

I often wish I was more normal. I don't want to be afraid of every little thing. I don't want to have to think about what my date will be like 3 days in advance.

My conclusion is this: Before I experience the situation, i.e. before an event, I am deathly nervous. But once I'm inside the event, the anxiety usually disappears and I become hyperactive and more of a loud boy.

But there are also situations in which I have a lot of anxiety beforehand and my anxiety remains during the event. When this happens, I would like to go home because I am too overwhelmed.

For anyone who is experiencing or knows the same thing, I wish you the best of luck on your journey. Much love, Lleyton